You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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