It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
