Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
