I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
