so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
