while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
