After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
