party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
