Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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