10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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