Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
