So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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