Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
