Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
