Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
