I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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