you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
