It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
