life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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