Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
