fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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