Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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