He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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