Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
