Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
