he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
