Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
this hospital has no fireball
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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