Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
