I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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