I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pooping to opera.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
