my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
