I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
