i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
