Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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