If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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