i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
another moral hangover. fuck.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
