so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
