Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
