Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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