i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
