i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
