Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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