no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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