she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
