why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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