He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
