I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
