isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
