Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need moral support for this bender
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
These tits shall not be calmed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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