You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how can u be prego again
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
