I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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