I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
