Got a toothbrush?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
